A Haywire Documentary
by Last-Babylonian
Summary: A side story to Not Completely Crazy. What happens when people get bored at The Pit? Well, utter craziness that's what! Highlander, Breaker, and Ripcord shoot a documentary about the elusive Haywire.


**Hello readers! Tis I, Last-Babylonian. And I have a special treat for ya'll. This idea is a collaboration with my brother (my beta as well) and I thought it was just a fun little piece to go along with Haywire's madness. I hope ya'll enjoy because I certainly had fun working it out with my brother.**

There was nothing but inky blackness that could be seen. There was sounds of a scuffle and the little recording symbol in the top right corner bounced around a couple times.

"Will you give me back the camera? I am the cameraman for this documentary" Breaker's accented voice cut through the blackness. The recording symbol bounced around a bit more before finally settling. "Oh you dorks you didn't take the cap off the camera!" Breaker sighed in aggravation , the camera once again being bounced around before the image of Breaker's face came into view. "Ok, now we're ready" Breaker said as he moved the camera to face towards an oddly empty hallway. Then Highlander and Ripcord jumped out from the sides wearing goofy looking safari clothing.

"Gooday mates! Highlander here with my best mate and new assistant, Ripcord," Highlander said in an Australian accent, "Now on today's episode of 'The Dangerous Pit', we go hunting for the elusive Haywire. Now this sheila is a tricky little bugger to catch due to her random movements," Highlander continued.

"Dude, why are you talking like that?" Ripcord asked as he stood up straight and tilted his head in confusion. Highlander sighed and face-palmed before standing from his slightly crouched position.

"I'm in character you idiot. This is a documentary after all," Highlander explained as he adjusted his hat carefully. "No are you going to help with this episode or do I need to find someone else?" he asked while putting his fists on his hips.

"I'm in, don't worry," Ripcord said as he bent down to pull up one of his falling socks. "Say, who helped you out with these before me?" Rip asked in curiosity.

"Snake Eyes is Highlanders assistant, but we figured he didn't want to end up sleeping on the couch since Haywire and him now share a room and we're hunting Haywire," Breaker explained out of the view of the camera. Highlander nodded his head in agreement.

"A pissed off Haywire is not something you want to deal with," Highlander piped in before turning back to face the camera directly. "Now back to the show. Now our sources say that the Haywire is under constant protection from the dangerous and ill-tempered Slaughter, so we have to be very careful in our hunt, there's no telling if she's protected," Highlander said as he turned and carefully made his way down the hallway with Ripcord and Breaker following close behind.

****

A head of pale blonde and orange streaks looked up from her welding, her hair flying about as she looked back and forth rapidly, causing her neck to crack in the most pleasing way.

"Ah much better," Haywire said as she continued to lean over her project. She didn't notice when her lab door swished open, revealing the armored form of Snake Eyes in the doorway. He shook his head in fond affection and made his way carefully towards where his lover was hunched over. He carefully placed his hands on her tense shoulders and began to knead gently. "Ooh that feels good," Haywire moaned as she leaned back against Snake Eyes. "What can I do for you sugah?" she asked when she opened her eyes.

"For you to take a break," Snake Eyes signed in reply before he rubbed his hands up and down Haywire's arms.

"Mm, but I have to finish this weapon design for General Hawk today," Haywire mumbled out as she further relaxed against Snake Eyes' chest.

"It can wait till after lunch. Besides, Timber and I miss watching you practice your chop stick skills," Snake Eyes signed. He was met with a brief glare before Haywire closed her eyes in exhaustion.

"Oh all right, let's go get lunch," Haywire said as she stood up. She paused in her walking and wrinkled her nose adorably before letting out a mouse like sneeze. "Odd, I know there's no dust in here," Haywire mumbled as she rubbed her nose briefly.

"Perhaps someone is talking about you," Snake Eyes signed before grabbing Haywire's hand and continuing their way out of the lab and down the hall to their room.

****

"Were standing outside of one of the many dens the Haywire has. Now rumor has it that she's been spending most of her time in this particular den," Highlander said as he and Ripcord stood in front of Haywire's lab. "Notice how the Haywire marks her territory," Highlander said as he pointed to the sign that was posted on the lab door.

"So what's your plan of bagging this creature boss man?" Ripcord asked as he took off the backpack he was handed earlier.

"I plan on using a tranquilizer dart that Doc gave me," Highlander said nonchalantly. Ripcord looked at him in utter confusion and horror. "What? Doc's knocked her out multiple times with this stuff, it's perfectly harmless," he said with an all too innocent voice.

"Wait why has he knocked her out?" Ripcord asked before Highlander was about to open the lab door. Highlander sighed.

"She went a little nutzo a couple years ago when she didn't get enough sleep and had a ton of weapon orders to fill. She was stressed out and so Doc decided to knock her out with this puppy," with that he brandished a tranquilizer gun, "Snake Eyes volunteered to do the shooting since he figured she'd be a little nicer to him instead of any of us if she found out who shot her," Highlander said with a shrug. Ripcord simply opened his mouth in a silent oh. "Now, it's time to see if the elusive Haywire is in the den," Highlander said as he carefully opened the lab door. Both him and Ripcord carefully stalked into the lab, glancing from left to right as they continued to walk further into the lab.

"It seems as though the den is empty," Breaker said in a soft whisper as he moved the camera back and forth slowly. "Look!" he said as his hand appeared in the camera shot, pointing towards the lab bench in the back. Highlander and Ripcord walked calmly over to the area Breaker was pointing.

"Signs that she left recently," Highlander breathed.

"Wait, how do you know that?" Ripcord asked in confusion. "All I see is a soldering gun and a half-finished gun," he said as he pointed out the objects.

"Exactly! The Haywire never leaves a project like this half-finished," Highlander said. Ripcord scoffed and made a sweeping gesture with his hand to indicate the various half complete projects scattered around the room. "Ok, I'll give you that but this is a gun that General Hawk asked her to finish today," Highlander said. Ripcord was once again speechless. "Come on, we have no time to lose! We must catch her immediately!" Highlander shouted as he rushed out of the lab with Ripcord and Breaker trailing close behind.

****

Haywire laid back onto the floor, stretching her arms above her head mewling. Snake Eyes shook his head and got up from the low dining table, carrying their lunch dishes towards the small kitchenette. Timber walked over from his place and laid down behind Haywire after barking at her till she sat up. "You could have asked nicely," Haywire teased the wolf as she laid back down, resting her head on Timber's side.

"He asks nicely, whenever he knows he'll get his way," Snake Eyes signed as he took a seat next to Haywire's stomach. Haywire giggled from her place on the floor and reached a hand out to grab one of Snake's.

"Like owner like companion," she teased gently as she wove her dainty fingers through Snake Eyes' larger ones. Snake Eyes smiled gently, his brown eyes crinkling at the corners slightly. "I love these moments," Haywire sighed.

"Moments?" Snake Eyes signed with his free hand before using it to prop himself over Haywire's stomach so he could face her.

"Yeah, moments where it's just the two of us," Timber growled gently under Haywire's head, "Ok the three of us," Haywire amended with a small giggle. "I'm so happy we moved in together," Haywire said with her signature 1000 watt smile.

"As am I, love," Snake Eyes signed quickly before he leaned back down over Haywire. Haywire simply continued to smile as she lifted her other hand to wrap around the back of Snake Eyes' neck.

"I don't think you gave me my hello kiss yet," Haywire teased as she leaned up slightly. Snake Eyes smiled and met her halfway, giving her the tender kiss she was looking for. They parted, and Haywire gave a small sigh of defeat. Snake Eyes quirked an eyebrow in question. "I have to get back to work. But before that I have to stop by the training area to talk to Sgt. Stone about the new training poles," Haywire said as she reluctantly made her way up off the floor. She gave Timber a quick scratch behind the ear and Snake Eyes another brief kiss before walking out towards the training area.

****

"We're now at another one of her frequented dens," Highlander said. "Now this is one of the most dangerous dens because here, lies the Haywire's mate, Snake Eyes. Now we have to proceed with caution. If we shoot him, he won't go down. Instead, he'll just try to kill us," Highlander said as though it wasn't a big deal. "So with that said, Ripcord, you get to open the door!" Highlander said with an all too chipper voice.

"Wait, what!" Ripcord shouted in fear as he backed away from the door rapidly. Unbeknownst to them, Snake Eyes was listening on the other side of the door shaking his head. He then decided to freak them out and moved to open the door. "There is no way in hell I'm going to open Snake Eyes' door without knowing if he's there or not!" Rip protested. That was the time that Snake Eyes opened his door.

"AHHHH!" Highlander, Ripcord, and Breaker shouted in shock before they bolted down the hallway, screaming the entire way. Timber walked out, glancing down the hallway with his master. Snake Eyes turned to Timber and simply shrugged his shoulders.

****

"Hey Haywire, how goes it?" Sgt. Stone asked when he saw a flash of neon out the corner of his eye.

"Meh, same old same old. Working on finishing a prototype for General Hawk," Haywire shrugged as she walked over and stood beside Sgt. Stone.

"What no hug?" Sgt. Stone asked with a teasing tone. Haywire laughed before hugging Sgt. Stone tightly.

"So what do you have in mind for a training weapon?" Haywire asked as she hanged off Stone's shoulders. Stone only took a few moments to show Haywire the design concept he had on his pad before Haywire nodded in confirmation and told him to e-mail her the design schematics. She was getting ready to leave when a white clad figure moved over to her swiftly.

"Haywire," Storm Shadow's deep voice stopped Haywire in her tracks. She turned and gave him a bright smile.

"What's up Storm?" Haywire asked as she walked back over to him.

"I would like to make a small weapon request, if I may," Storm Shadow said with an almost invisible smile.

"What'cha got in mind?" Haywire's smile turned mischievous.

"I would like for you to make a new sword for me," Storm Shadow began before he continued explaining to Haywire what he would like to have added to it, Haywire nodding the entire time.

"I'll draw up some designs and we can go over them together," Haywire said with her 1000 watt smile. "Though your order is going to be put on the back burner for a couple days; General Hawk has me working on a prototype right now and then I have Sgt. Stone's order," Haywire explained to the silent ninja. Storm Shadow nodded in understanding before he turned and walked off. "Not even a good bye," Haywire pouted before she continued to make her way out of the training area. But she was once again stopped.

****

"Alright, I have a clear shot of her," Highlander said quietly. "Now if only Storm Shadow will stay out of the way," he growled.

"He moved!" Ripcord shouted, shocking Highlander into pulling the trigger too early and sending the tranquilizer dart straight into Storm Shadows back. He stumbled for a moment before collapsing into an ungraceful heap. Breaker, Highlander, and Ripcord all looked at one another before rushing down from their vantage point to go over and check on the now KO'd ninja. "Oh this isn't going to end well," Ripcord murmured.

"Hey guys," Haywire said cautiously as she walked up behind them. They all turned around to stare at her in shock. "Umm, what'cha doin'?" Haywire asked nervously as she spotted the tranquilizer gun and the dart sticking out of Storm Shadow's back.

"Oh you know, just the…Get her!" Highlander shouted before lunging at the startled weapon tech.

"Eep!" Haywire shrieked as she darted out of the way and ran towards the exit as fast as she could.

"Don't let her escape!" Ripcord shouted as he whooped in joy at the chase. What no one noticed was that a wall of muscle walking into the training area. Well everyone, except the neon woman being chased.

"Uncle Slaughter! They're chasing me with a tranquilizer gun and they shot Storm Shadow!" Haywire shouted as she ran towards her towering uncle. The boys realized to slowly that Sgt. Slaughter was there and that they were heading directly towards him and Haywire, who was now safely perched on one of his broad shoulders.

"Oh really? It looks like these three need something to do," Slaughter said as a malicious smile took over his lips. The three men gulped in utter fear. Highlander quickly turned back to the camera.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid that this might be our last episode. Thank you for joining us for this episode of 'The Dangerous Pit'," Highlander said in an unusually high voice. The last thing that was filmed was Sgt. Slaughter's large hand covering the lense.


End file.
